The Apprentice (Princess)- Honey, honey, hooon-eey!

Hey guys, I have a blog! I know, I know, who wants to read these things? Got the idea from K & P (love yours and keep it up!) So basically, this is a chance to write about things I would otherwise forget about, keep family and friends a little informed with what Im doing and thinking, and post other miscellaneous bits and pieces.

Here's a short story I wrote for the latest DCP yearbook "Discount Therapy." For those who know Helen and Bec, this story sums up Bec's undeniable transition from grunge-actor-type to princess-perfect-bob-type. Helen has always been given flack for her own princess-ness, though she was born that way.

Anyway, it's a journey of "from riches to riches," of Feminism that looks down upon the burning of bras, and of corageously making it in A Brave New World of S-page monarchy.

The Apprentice (Princess)

The Definition Of A Princess:
1. A woman member of a royal family other than the monarch, especially a daughter of a monarch.
2. A woman who is a ruler of a principality, or a woman who is a hereditary ruler; a queen.
3. A noblewoman of varying status or rank.
4. The wife of a prince.
5. A woman regarded as having the status or qualities of a princess.

Draw your attention to point 5 in the definition. After reading this, it becomes clear to all that you don’t have to be “royal” to be a princess. But not just anyone can be a princess either, oh no! For to become a princess, the aspirer must possess inherent princess qualities that cannot be taught. Many may try, but few succeed…

The beginning of 2004 saw a strange transformation in one of our fellow interns. Unbeknownst to those around her, Miss Bec had taken up a covert apprenticeship at the College for Princesses, an inaugural institution, the “gold star” in schooling for aspiring princesses. Bec had decided to take up the apprenticeship to fulfill her life -long dream- to become a princess!! (Also, she really did not have any other extracurricular activities!)

Her mentor, Miss Helen, was there for Bec throughout the transition- she became a “buddy friend” or sponsor for Bec in times of crises, times that were likely to impede her progression to princesshood.

Sources confirm that many a late night was spent between Helen and Bec in times when Bec was unsure about what to wear the next day. She would sob and ask Helen for guidance. “Is it all worth it?” she would ask. “I never thought it would be so difficult, take up so much of my time- and for what? So that I might be a princess? A job that asks so much, but gives so little in return?”

Helen, being an expert in dealing with princess-crises of this nature, would know exactly what to say. “Bec, did you know you can wear the same thing twice, as long as you wear a different belt and have a pedicure?”

Bec, who still had so much to learn, would find unending comfort in Helen’s words of support. She told herself, if she only kept trying, maybe she would be the princess she wanted to be, the princess she always knew she was destined to be!

But the road was long and hard, for becoming a princess was a metamorphosis of the body, mind and soul.

While Bec had endeavored to keep her apprenticeship secret, emerging only at the end as a fully-fledged princess, other interns began to notice a difference in their colleague. First, was the drift from the outskirts of the class to Princess Island, an area of the room associated only with the latest in Tupperware, perfectly dissected rock melons and Oxford Street fashions. There was certainly no room for the commoner on this island.

Soon followed the matching of shoes, belts and bags- a skill few possess. Kitten-healed pointy shoes replaced Birkenstock’s and her hair grew into a shiny, sweetly scented cascade. Long and dangling earrings confirmed the physical transformation from once “grungy-actor” type, to something quite special.

The mind of the princess was also in fast development. No longer did our Bec say things such as “Huh?” and “Nup”, but “Excuse me,” “Rather” and “No, I don’t think so” replaced her old vocabulary, her finger touching just below the mouth whenever she asked a question. Her favourite topics of conversation no longer surrounded DoCS, SUDS and puppetry, but clothes, accessories, poetry and rainbows replaced her former interests. Her hands moved with a quiet gracefulness as she waved goodbye at the end of each day, and her walk was like watching the clouds move by on an otherwise sunny day.

The final stage of the transformation involved Bec’s soul. While we have always known our Bec to have a good heart and soul, she started bringing lost children to the clinic (though these may have been some of her actor friends) and praying for everyone to pass Dr L's exam. She was indeed a reverent and peaceful person!

One day, Bec asked her sponsor and mentor Helen, “Have I become the princess I have always longed to be?” Helen just sighed and, gently placing a hand on Bec’s fashionable arm said, “Yes, Bec, you are indeed the princess you have always longed to be,” and after pausing in quiet reflection added, “you always were.”

That night, after attending an “Anti-Kath & Kim” rally, Bec went back to the College for Princesses to claim her certificate of graduation. And as an entire room of apprentice princesses looked on in awe, Bec accepted her certificate. She wanted to savour the moment, for she could finally say what she had been destined to say all along. She opened her glossed lips to speak, and in the silence she declared, “My name is Bec, and I AM a Princess!”

~The End~